PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

For many, crying is not something we enjoy doing. We avoid it at all cost, trying to hold in how we feel rather than embracing the emotion. Crying is a natural thing. Research found that emotional tears contain toxins that our body collects and retains during stress. So see, crying is actually healthy for you….

We all know the cathartic cry. We have all had one in our lives. The “red eyes, nose running, body shaking with tears” ugly cry. The “I just messed up my mascara and there is no way of covering up this” ugly cry. The “my stomach feels like I just did crunches” kind of ugly cry.

While having a cathartic cry is not something we can all plan, here are some things to remember the next time it happens:

1. Take all the time you need: Who cares how long you cry for! You will stop when you are ready to stop. There is no time limit on how long you are allowed to feel what you feel. Your body is telling you that you need relief! Listen to it! Give your body and soul what it needs most.
2. Find a space or person that makes you comfortable: Being comfortable while crying may not seem that important cause you know, umm, you are crying and your nose is running and…. Yes I get it! But there is a comfort even while crying; knowing you are in a place you are safe and cared for. It may be with your partner, or friend who is there to listen when you are done. It may be in your car when no one can see because you just want to be alone. Wherever it is and whomever it is with, be comfortable. Allow that comfort to help you recover when you are ready.
3. No one, and I mean no one, looks pretty after a good cry: a deeply cathartic cry leaves its mark on us.  While it is healing to our soul, it will sometimes leave us looking like we have been in battle. Whether it is a red nose or swollen eyes, do not be ashamed of them!  They are signs that you have fought an emotional battle and come out on the other side.
4. Give yourself a minute to recover: Some people sleep after an outpouring of emotion. Some get up and start from where they left off. Whatever your method of recovery is…. Don’t skip out on recovery time. Whether you realize it or not, your body has released toxins, hormones, and endorphins. It needs a recovery time to return to its regular state. Breathe. Take a minute and get back to center before moving.

For me, this ugly cry is a beautiful thing. There is a strong lovely quality to knowing that you have been through so much and still come out ok.  I always prefer to have cathartic tears alone, that way I can be in my jammies and sleep after but I know that is not always possible. I remember there was a time when I was visiting a relative in the ICU and I had just had it. I was overwhelmed, tired, and hangry to be honest and I just sat in the hallway and started to cry. I cried so hard I could not catch my breath. I cried until I was sure I was dehydrated and then I saw a pair of shoes near my feet.  When I looked up (after discreetly wiping my nose on my shirt) there was a nurse smiling at me. She helped me up and asked me if I needed anything and asked if I wanted a hug, which I desperately did and told me something I will never forget. She said, “Tears help you heal” and she was right. Without realizing it, I did feel better. She was right, for the time being, my soul felt lighter.

Just remember, when you cry, your body is trying to heal. It wants all those stress toxins out so that you can pick yourself up and start again.