Today I am reminding myself that positive thoughts do not always happen right away. Sometimes it may take us a while to grow them into becoming part of ourselves and our outlook. I know I need to grow a few of my own and incorporate them into my daily routine. I invite you to do the same… let your positive thoughts grow into beautiful gardens that bring us joy!
There’s a power to words that is unimaginable. Words can make our hearts feel light, but they also have the power to weigh us down with the heaviness of their meaning. If we let them.
I have always struggled with weight. It has been an issue for me from my mid-teens until today. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I began to love the shape of my body. One day, a person I care deeply for told me that he found me sexy and complete, no matter what shape my body came in, whether I was wearing makeup, or if my hair was done, I was sexy and complete as is. I was reminded that it was me, inside the curvy body and sometimes sloppy appearance, that had worth. With kind words and reminders that I was doing great no matter where I was on the scale, this encouragement started me down my path to self-love.
It was the words he gifted me that made me feel light. I turned that freedom from the heaviness of words into power. Yes, he might have started me on my journey to self-acceptance, but that journey was mine alone to take.
Sometimes, it’s the people closest to us that weigh us down the most with their words. Pointing out that you have gained weight may seem like they are trying to encourage you, but to others those words can be devastating.
People don’t always realize that they can encourage you without the bluntness that they feel might be appropriate or even helpful. Sometimes people who have never struggled with weight issues might not even realize how their helping might sometimes be the exact opposite.
There are ways to encourage someone without hurting them. Here are some of the things I wish had been said to me as I walked along my path.
– “You look like you are feeling good.” – A lot of people are quick to say, “you are looking so good since you’ve lost weight.” No matter how many pounds lost or gained, it is important to acknowledge and let someone know it is okay to love who they are.
– “What can I do to help you?” – Sometimes I find myself giving unsolicited advice based on my own current and past journey. And if I am being honest, it is super annoying. Just ask what someone needs. How can you support them with how they are feeling? Offer to just be there in whatever way they need from you. That will go further than advice they never asked for.
– “You’re doing great!” – People tend to point out what someone is doing wrong rather than what they have achieved. Instead of saying, “maybe you should exercise more,” or “Ya know, sitting around isn’t helping you lose weight.” I suggest congratulating them on the little things. When you see someone trying hard, tell them! Let them know that they are doing great and trying hard. Sometimes when there is a moment of doubt your kind words and belief in them can see them through to the other side
Here is what I recommend: Before you talk say the words to yourself. If a friend said that to you, how would you feel? Would you want it said that way or would you want it worded differently? How would you want your support to appear?
Words not only have meaning, but they carry a weight to them that can’t always be explained. That comes from the motivation and emotion behind them. While someone might be trying to help, they might not always know the right way to do it. When trying to support someone, whether it’s family, friends, coworkers, or even complete strangers, it’s important that we choose our words wisely. We don’t always know what the other person is going through at any point in their lives. We don’t always know their stories. And sometimes, even when words might fail us, something as simple as a friendly smile can be motivating enough in a world full of frowns and disapproving looks. Life is heavy, but if we approach it with a certain kind of understanding then maybe we can bring a little lightness into our lives.
There’s a power to words which, honestly, sometimes really can’t even be put into words.
Nothing bothers me more than someone dismissing my opinions out of hand because they are assuming I am about to begin a “feminist rant.”
The truth is I was raised with very strong, outspoken women in my life. These women I knew never help back their opinions and thoughts from anyone. They were not disrespectful or crass. Their thoughts were poignant and well organized. They were brave and they were unfortunately not always accepted due to being women.
My grandmother was a political activist. She held meetings and met with local council members and State Senators. When she passed, Presidents sent notes…. But I remember times where men would ask her if her husband liked what she was doing or to please let the men speak.
I learned from her that Empowered Women Empower Women…
She never raised her voice when offended or debated. She always spoke in calm tones even when angry at being dismissed. She stayed true to her beliefs.
Nowadays, in a time when women’s issue are still a point of contention amongst so many. When many women are marching in the streets for equality in pay, healthcare, and position in our country; I urge women who are of similar beliefs to do the following when up against someone who wants to argue.
Do not get mad…. Well try not to at least!
Sometimes that is very hard, some of the current issues are deep feeling issues for us as individuals but when you lose your cool, and your point is not heard. When arguing in general, the louder and more upset you are, the less the other person listens. There are times I vehemently disagree with people about their beliefs but I have to breathe and stay calm. It is not easy or fun but calm can get your point across better than a scream.
Get Knowledgeable
Know what you are talking about. Women’s issue such as Right to choose, equal pay, insurance and medical coverage are hot button issues. People speak out of emotion of the subject and that is fine, we are all passionate about it or we would not be debating but know your shit. You can change a mind or a point of view with knowledge. Understanding of the subject lends weight to your argument and helps in your expressing of those ideas.
Know when to walk away
This is the hardest lesson, but sometimes no matter what you say, you are not changing anyone’s mind. Not everyone is as enlightened as you are and willing to listen to what others’ have to say. Sometimes to save your sanity you have to just walk away and live to argue another day.
Until then…. Keep moving forward my fellow female warriors. Value your voice! It is powerful, it is special, and it should be heard with respect!
PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.
For many, crying is not something we enjoy doing. We avoid it at all cost, trying to hold in how we feel rather than embracing the emotion. Crying is a natural thing. Research found that emotional tears contain toxins that our body collects and retains during stress. So see, crying is actually healthy for you….
We all know the cathartic cry. We have all had one in our lives. The “red eyes, nose running, body shaking with tears” ugly cry. The “I just messed up my mascara and there is no way of covering up this” ugly cry. The “my stomach feels like I just did crunches” kind of ugly cry.
While having a cathartic cry is not something we can all plan, here are some things to remember the next time it happens:
For me, this ugly cry is a beautiful thing. There is a strong lovely quality to knowing that you have been through so much and still come out ok. I always prefer to have cathartic tears alone, that way I can be in my jammies and sleep after but I know that is not always possible. I remember there was a time when I was visiting a relative in the ICU and I had just had it. I was overwhelmed, tired, and hangry to be honest and I just sat in the hallway and started to cry. I cried so hard I could not catch my breath. I cried until I was sure I was dehydrated and then I saw a pair of shoes near my feet. When I looked up (after discreetly wiping my nose on my shirt) there was a nurse smiling at me. She helped me up and asked me if I needed anything and asked if I wanted a hug, which I desperately did and told me something I will never forget. She said, “Tears help you heal” and she was right. Without realizing it, I did feel better. She was right, for the time being, my soul felt lighter.
Just remember, when you cry, your body is trying to heal. It wants all those stress toxins out so that you can pick yourself up and start again.